Being Productive & Calm, as a Busy Woman

To all of the busy women, here are some strategies that can help you be productive and calm.

Does this sound familiar to you? Personally, as a busy person (have a young daughter, maintaining relationships, keeping the house tidy, running my own mental health private practice, blogging (for two websites), and preparing for ultramarathons), I struggle with being calm while I go about my day.

Here’s how it usually goes.

I’m usually productive in some way because there is always something that needs done. I tend to feel like things need to be done in an overly particular way. Tasks get done, it’s just not always how well (quality) or in the order that I’d like it to be, so I need to be flexible.

When there’s anxiety present.

Anxiety couples this feeling that something needs to be a certain way or lack of having an amount of control. Anxiety is also provoked when I feel overwhelmed by the amount of things that I need to do. It’s difficult being calm. I want things to be completed in a timely manner and done right. Sometimes, I aim for perfection, but I know that that’s unrealistic. I put a lot of pressure on myself.

How do I remain calm while I’m in a state of being busy and usually anxious?

• I practice time management
• Prioritize tasks
• Ask others for help
• Tell someone “no” when they ask if I can do something when I truly don’t have the time
• Mindfulness
• Slow myself down, so I can think clearly
• Stay grounded
• Self-care. Sometimes taking a full day for it!
• Exercise or run
• I focus on my strengths and goals (and the reasons behind them)
• I think positive (in general)
• I reframe my distorted thinking
• I write down affirmations

There are probably some other tricks that I use that aren’t coming to mind. Whatever I do, I choose to act in a more helpful and healthy manner. I choose to react in a way that is more calm.

How do I know which strategy will help?

I don’t 100% of the time know which strategy will help, but I do know that I can try two or three and see if they work. Overtime, it is easier to know which strategies will work and for what. If a strategy doesn’t help, no big deal, pick another. There are instances where anxiety is stronger and it takes a handful of strategies to help. Also, no big deal.

The strategies from this list are additional “to do’s”, but they makes life better and adds peace. This work becomes more effortless the more that I practice it. You can do this, too.

How do you practice being productive, yet calm?

Overlooking a small town in PA

Calming Through Your Senses By Using Self-Soothe Skills

Self-soothe skills

Self-Soothe is about calming through the senses, and the goal is to engage your senses in behaviors that are relaxing.

As you practice self-soothe, allow judgements, stress, worries, and unhelpful thoughts to slide through your mind, and just be in the moment. This process will rejuvenate you and help regulate your body.

Commit to adding self-soothing strategies into your daily schedule.

Self-soothe skills (vision, hearing, smell, taste, touch)

Vision

What kind of things do you enjoy seeing? Seek out these visually pleasing things. Gaze at sunsets, nature, cityscape, aquarium, whatever is visually relaxing to you. You can also create your own artwork or take photos.

Take a few minutes to fully appreciate something, it can be as simple as leaves on a tree. Connect with it and take it in.

Hearing

Listen to soft music or go outside and soak up the sounds of nature.

Hear with your eyes closed and allow yourself to become immersed in the experience.

Smell

Choose household cleaners, perfumes, lotions, aromatherapy, essential oils, and candles that have pleasant smells.

Baking your favorite dish or dessert will fill your home with that smell.

Taste

A tip for taste is to eat a small amount of food one-mindfully, engaging all five senses.

Savor a piece of dark chocolate, a bite of a juicy apple, a spoonful of ice cream melting in your mouth, or the tanginess of a salsa.

Timing yourself to see how long you can draw out the experience is helpful for becoming immersed.

Touch

Ask a loved one for a hug or to hold hands. Snuggle with your cat or dog. Give yourself a facial, neck, or hand massage. Wear your most comfortable clothes and fuzzy, thick socks or wrap up in a warm blanket. Take a mindful bubble bath or a longer shower.

Resource

Lane Pederson, Psy.D., LP, DBTC

Connoquenessing Valley Heritage Trail, PA

Distress Tolerance (DBT)

Distress Tolerance (Dialectical Behavior Therapy)

When people “cope” with stress and crisis, they find out ways (behaviors) that relieve stress, however, some of these ways come with heavy consequences. Examples of ineffective behaviors are drug and alcohol use, self-injury, gambling, spending money, and overeating.

We can learn distress tolerance skills to effectively manage the stress and crisis. These skills are more helpful than dealing with the consequences of the ineffective behaviors that make life worse.

Try it out

Make two lists, one is your ineffective coping behaviors, and the second is your healthy coping behaviors. If you’re struggling coming up with the healthy ones, keep thinking, because everyone has at least a few.

The goal is to work on eliminating the ineffective coping behaviors on the first list while developing the behaviors on the second.

This process is “doing more of what works”, replacing the ineffective with the healthy and effective.

Guidelines to improve distress tolerance skills

1. Practice the skills daily, even when you’re not feeling distressed. The skills tend to be enjoyable, so practicing shouldn’t feel like work.

2. Diversify the skills, try new ones, and practice every skill more than once because you don’t know which ones will “click” for you.

3. Organize a distress tolerance plan for when you’re in crisis and choose to follow the plan. It will keep you focused. Write down your organized plan on an index card. This would be your coping behaviors and any people who can provide support. Keep this card with you.

This index card plan works well for children while they’re away from home. Example: at school.

Distress tolerance skills to learn

• Wise Mind: ACCEPTS acronym
• IMPROVE acronym
• Self-Soothe skills: vision, hearing, smell, taste, and touch.
• Radical Acceptance
• Everyday Acceptance
• Willingness
• Bridge-Burning
• Ride the Wave: Urge-Surfing
• Grounding
• Pros and Cons

This is general information on distress tolerance and the skills to learn to better cope with stress and crisis, the next step is to learn the skills themselves, practice applying them, watch for improvements, and make necessary adjustments.

Wise Mind: ACCEPTS

https://finishstrongercounseling.com/2020/08/12/wise-mind-accepts-skill-distress-tolerance-from-dbt/

Resource

Lane Pederson, PsyD, LP, DBTC

Connequenessing Valley Heritage Trail, PA