Part of what I do as a counselor is help people identify and use their strengths and God-given gifts to improve their mental health.
That work is not about pretending everything is fine. It is about seeing what is already working in you, then using it on purpose.
How do we find the strengths and gifts?
Usually, when I ask a client to list a few things they do well, there is a long pause.
One of three responses follows: they are not sure; they say they have never really thought about it; or they can name one or two things.
When I hear those responses, I assure them that there are things they can do really well, and that we will uncover them.
We do not pay enough attention to our strengths. Much of our time is focused on our flaws. That is not a personal failing.
Our brains are built that way. Research on what psychologists call the negativity bias shows that negative events, feedback, and self-talk tend to hit harder and stick longer than the good ones. A well-known review put it simply: “bad is stronger than good.”
One missed workout, one awkward conversation, or one race DNF (Did Not Finish) can take up more mental space than weeks of showing up.
There are also cases where negative thoughts and self-talk become automatic, causing us to miss our assets. If that sounds familiar, read my article Reflect More on Everything That You Are, which is about negative self-talk.
Strengths work is one way to interrupt that pattern.
Positive psychology research on character strengths (the VIA framework developed by Peterson and Seligman) has found that people who identify their “signature strengths” and use them in new ways tend to report more happiness and less depression, with benefits lasting months in some studies.
Applying strengths has also been linked with more confidence, better mood, and lower stress. You do not need a perfect list of 24 traits. You need a few honest ones you can actually use.
Identify and acknowledge the strengths
We need to first identify and acknowledge our strengths before we can practice applying them. Acknowledging things we are good at can feel awkward because it might feel like bragging, or maybe you are not used to giving yourself credit. That is okay. We have our gifts and talents for a reason.
A strength is not only a trophy or a talent other people clap for. It can be a way you think, a way you persist, or a way you care. Persistence, patience, humor, loyalty, organization, faith, curiosity, and calm under pressure all count.
How to find them
Ask yourself:
- What do you do well? It can be big or small.
- What do people thank you for without you asking?
- When do you feel most like yourself?
- What comes naturally that other people seem to struggle with?
- Hobbies: where else can that characteristic or skill be applied to what you are currently going through?
If you are talented in sports, how can you bring your game-time approach to everyday concerns or problems?
If you are skilled at woodworking or building, how can you apply that approach? Measure twice. Start with what you have. Fix one joint at a time instead of tearing the whole project down.
If you are still struggling to figure out what your strengths are, then rely on God to lead you. Ask Him.
Pay attention to the skills that keep showing up in your life, the ones that feel like they were given, not forced.
For runners and endurance athletes
If you train for long distances, you already practice strengths most people only talk about.
Think about what it takes to finish a hard week of training, come back from injury, or keep moving when the race stopped being fun miles ago. That is not nothing. Those same qualities can travel off the course.
A few places to look:
- Patience. Ultra and long-distance training teach you that fitness is built in small, repeated efforts. That same patience can help with anxiety, grief, body image work, or a season that is taking longer than you wanted.
- Problem-solving. You already adjust for weather, fueling, terrain, sleep, and a calendar that does not care about your long run. Use that same planning mind when a week feels overloaded. What is the “training plan” version of this problem? What is the smallest next step?
- Distress tolerance. Late miles are uncomfortable. You have practiced staying with discomfort without making it mean you are broken. That skill matters in panic, cravings, shame, and the urge to quit on yourself.
- Consistency over intensity. The runner who only hammers workouts usually pays for it. The same is true with self-talk and self-care. Steady beats harsh.
- Your race-day approach. Many athletes I work with already know how to take one aid station at a time. Bring that to everyday concerns. Do not solve the whole life at mile 2.
- Coming back from a DNF, DNS, or injury. That process requires honesty, grief, humility, and a willingness to rebuild. Those are strengths. They are also transferable when life outside running does not go to plan.
- Body awareness. Training teaches you to notice effort, fatigue, hunger, and mood. That awareness can become a mental health tool when you use it with compassion instead of criticism.
If running is one of the places you feel competent, that competence is allowed to count. You can love the sport and still use what it has built in you.
How to apply them: do more of what works. Use your strengths and gifts to traverse life.
A simple way to practice:
- Name one strength today. Keep it specific. “I am disciplined about showing up” is more useful than “I am a good person.”
- Use it in a new setting. If you are dependable on a team or in a run group, be dependable with your own rest. If you are good at encouraging other people, write that same encouragement to yourself after a hard day.
- Start small. One conversation, one decision, one workout, one evening routine.
- Repeat it until it feels less awkward.
This is close to what the research calls using a signature strength in a new way. You are not inventing a different personality. You are taking something true about you and giving it another job.
Go ahead and love yourself. Some people have the perspective that if you love yourself, then your priorities are in the wrong place.
There is nothing wrong with loving yourself. You should love yourself, because without that self-care and compassion, how can you use your strengths? You cannot fully do all you are meant to do with your life.
For athletes, this matters even more. A body that is only spoken to in corrections will eventually stop feeling like a partner.
Strengths-based work includes thanking your body for what it can do, noticing the mind that got you through a hard session, and refusing to let one bad day become the whole story of who you are.
Notice the benefits
Notice how well things are going, including the quiet wins.
Notice the improved mood and self-confidence.
Notice what people who are close to you see in you. Sometimes they have been naming your strengths for years while you were busy editing yourself.
You might notice that you recover a little faster after a mistake. You might notice that training feels less like punishment and more like a place you use what you are good at. You might notice that faith, relationships, work, and running start talking to each other instead of competing.
That is the point. Strengths are not a pep talk. They are tools. Identify them. Acknowledge them. Use them on purpose. Then watch what becomes possible when you stop living only from the list of what you think you lack.
If you want help naming your strengths and actually using them, that is work we can do together. I sometimes use the VIA Character Strengths survey with clients as a starting point, then we look at how those strengths show up in daily life, training, recovery, and the harder seasons. You do not have to figure it out alone.
If you live in Pennsylvania and this resonates, reach out. We can talk about whether counseling is a good fit. I offer a free 10–15 minute phone consult.
And if this article was helpful, it would mean a lot if you would like, share, subscribe for more free mental health tips, or Buy Me a Coffee. That helps other people find the content and helps me keep offering it.
Thank you so much for your support.
Shannon
